Monday, January 24, 2011

These past weeks truly have heralded a new start in my life.

       From immense heartbreak during the Christmas holiday has emerged a deeper understanding of myself, a sense of my own coming-of-age accomplished. Assumptions that I had about my future have dissolved- leaving the freedom of the loss of control, the freedom of welcoming the unknown. I have accepted that I am delicate during this season of grieving and need to take care of myself. The stress of multiple commitments was pulling me in too many different directions. It left me with no time for myself, and no time to do the things I enjoy and care about.

       My priorities have shifted after realizing what a mess I was last semester. I am taking the minimum number of hours possible to still be considered a full-time student, and have moved from part-time to seasonal at work, in order to have more time for dance. Sometimes I worry about what having a light load this semester will mean for future semesters. Will I have to overload these next two years in order to graduate on time? Do I care if I graduate on time? I don't want to be stuck in college forever. But after all of these thoughts have reared their heads, the remaining realization stands strong that I must take today as today comes, and surrender all worries of the future. It is difficult to let yourself relax, but that is what I am learning how to do. I may only be taking a few classes right now, but I have the freedom within my schedule to commit my best to each of them. That has its own satisfaction different from the kind that comes from cramming and rushing and always doing. Now I have time to do a few things and to do them well.

       The most exciting prospect of this new alignment of my life is that there is so much room for art! I recently picked up the unfinished scarf I began knitting for my grandmother and have made lovely progress on that. Also, as I mentioned earlier, dance has taken a front seat this semester and I couldn't be happier. I look forward to really growing as a dancer, both through class and the university company, but also through Heritage Dance Project, created by a friend of mine. Her values and her movement really speak to me, and I am always encouraged by this sense of divine Providence when we dance together, as if to say "This has been arranged just for you at just the right time."
       Oh, and I finally have time to begin this blog!!!